I breathed in deeply but could not do much more than chant "please, please, please" while watching cars irritatingly zip around and past us. It was the first time I had felt fear while driving in this particular way because our daughter was with me. Each time I checked the rear view mirror for cars speeding up behind us I had to look past her searching face in the back seat first. If we were in fact rear ended, she would take the impact first. I tried not to hold my breath and refrained from panic. Maybe it was my daily meditation paying off. "We hit a hole and our tire has no air in it." I tried to say cheerfully as I dodged cars. It was one of those moments where the fragility of life coats everything else you see.
It is nearly impossible to hide an emotion when in cognitive or emotional overload. You will inevitably leak. It seeps out in our voice or in a nearly imperceptible micro-expression that warns others of our emotional world even if they don't know exactly what they saw. On the one hand I want Beckett to be able to identify and articulate what she is feeling when she is feeling it and I would like to model that. I don't want her to hide her feelings. On the other hand I do not need her upset when I am trying to dodge oncoming cars. I had a job to do.
We pulled off the highway and into the first driveway which is a college. I took the first turn into a spot that was out of the way and discover a Porsche with a flat tire and park behind it. I get out to change my tire and he gets out of the car, too. "You just missed two more cars with flat tires ahead of us who have already come and gone" For some reason I was comforted knowing that I was not the only one who hit the pothole, not that I would wish it on anyone. This man was able to see them come and go because evidently, Porsche finds spare tires to be dead weight. They also apparently believe Porscheowners have plenty of time on their hands to wait for a tow and plenty of money to pay for it. As he waited for rescue, he helped me with my tire. I imagine he also helped the other two with theirs. His forced dependence gave him opportunity to assist. He assisted me in locating and assembling the jack. It was my first time changing a tire in this car and I was trying to manage our daughter's anxiety as well as my own, so I gratefully accepted.
Black holes reflect no light. They allow no light to escape. And yet they emit this sound of Om. A sound that attunes the hearts of humankind. We need to use all of our senses to find a way to move through the darkness. When we cannot see, we can still listen deeply. I believe that the good will find a way.
