I knew
that this day would come. I went to the liquor store in my collar.
Oklahoma has a complicated history with alcohol and some of the strictest
liquor laws in the country. Liquor stores are prohibited from selling
anything but wine, beer, and spirits. No corkscrews, bottle openers,
koozies, lemons, limes, or ice, paraphernalia that would be marketable and
profitable. Any alcoholic beverage containing more than 3.2% alcohol by weight
or 4% alcohol by volume can only be sold at room temperature in state-licensed
liquor stores. That means grocery stores in Oklahoma cannot also be
liquor stores. We force manufacturers to create a special 3.2% (or less)
beer and malt beverage to be sold in our grocery and convenience stores, a
beverage that barely fits the criteria for consumable but can be sold chilled
for those in a hurry. This room-temperature law is also why an Oklahoman
who even occasionally consumes beer or wine can likely tell you the fastest way
to chill said beverages from 75 to 35 degrees. The liquor stores are
closed in Oklahoma on holidays, election days, and Sundays. That means, of
course, that I have no option to refill my wine stock on my only plain-clothed
days.
I am a
wine drinker. I lived in Belgium as an exchange student when I was 16 and
had my palette sophisticated by the all men’s Rotary Club who hosted me.
They took turns inviting me to their homes and offering me incredible wines
from their personal wine cellars, fearful that I would return to the United
States never having experienced the luxury of good European wines. In
Oklahoma, that kind of generosity to a minor, if convicted, could be punishable
by a fine and up to 5 years in prison.
All
this makes me a bit of a closet wine snob. It has taken me a long time to
find a wine I can both afford and that I really love. Now that I have, I
want to buy it by the case!
But in
my 8 years of ministry, this was the first time I had been in a liquor store in
my collar. I went around 4 pm on a Monday, my Sabbath. The
store is in a strip mall, and the parking lot was busy. When I got out of
the car, I felt the most self-conscious I have ever felt in my collar. I
silently explained to all those I feared were judging me all the way from the
car to the door. “I drink responsibly.” “I am fortunate that I do
not have an addiction.” The store had folks loitering around the
door who quickly moved away and would not make eye contact with me. As I
entered the store, a man exiting came out with a paper bag under his arm and
looked down at the floor as he passed me. I was a walking billboard for
guilt. The culture of our state regarding alcohol was crafted from
a parental relationship to liquor. And those parents were likely to have
gone to fundamentalist Christian churches.
I took
a deep breath and told myself I had nothing to be ashamed of. I went to
the counter and asked whether they carried my wine. They did and only had
one bottle left. I asked if they could sell it to me by the case.
The tattooed manager of my same age told me we would have to order it. So
we did. There was a feeling that I was getting away with
something. Like if my parents knew what I was doing I would be in
TRUH-BLE. There was no reason for me to feel this way. My congregation
and my association know I drink. So why would it not be ok for me to be
identified as a minister when I buy wine?
I
believe that people want it both ways with clergy, and I even feel this tension
in myself. I am a human being and relate to people as a human
being. Jesus was among the people in his ministry (and drank wine BTW). I
am not comparing myself to Jesus, but I do try to learn from his
ministry. It seems that today we both want our ministers to be
perfect and holy AND approachable and human. When I feel this tension, I
try to lean into bringing the ministry role into my humanity and my humanity
into my ministry.
Religion at its best asks us to bring our whole selves to the church. When we compartmentalize instead of integrate, we shut out the complexity of what it means to be human. We can oversimplify in ministry, in religion, to the point of irrelevance. I believe the spirit of the law suggests God can handle all of us.
Great article!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Deleteso what is the wine?
ReplyDeleteAPOTHIC Red
DeleteGlad not the only one who was wondering that. :)
DeleteAnd this is only one area in which we feel the tension between our collars and our humanity. Great articulation; I am so grateful our paths have crossed. Hope to meet you in person somewhere down the way. Be blessed and be courageous.
ReplyDeleteMark...indeed! Hoping to write on many aspects of that tension. Grateful our paths have crossed as well :)
Deleteevery paragraph is so thought provoking!
ReplyDeleteAuthor! Author! (in other words....Bravo! Bravo!) =)
ReplyDelete